My Sisters' Keeper-Part Two
"Thank you for understanding what it's like to be a woman".
A patient spoke these words at the end of an appointment. Far too often I find myself in the position of identifying with my female patients for one reason or another. As I discussed in Part One, my shared experience of navigating the world as a woman provides me with a different perspective and approach to treating people at times.
Who else intimately understands how it feels to not want to live up to the stereotype of being moody when it's time for our monthly hormonal fluctuations, the pressure imposed on us by others and ourselves to maintain a "desirable" appearance, and the plethora of things involved in being a woman. As a woman, I absolutely felt defeated when I learned that Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD) actually existed as a clinical condition. Great, just reinforce years of men being rude and asking us if it's that time of the month anytime we take offense to something. But the flipside of this, I'm able to deliver the diagnosis in a compassionate way. I can only imagine what it would be like to receive this news from a male clinician. Along the same lines I empathize with those who struggle with infertility and young women needing hysterectomies: been there and done that. It's one of the hot topics that makes me check myself so I won't relive those emotions. Insert my rant about equal access to services here: why are transition surgeries covered by many health plans, yet treatment of infertility is not? Just to be clear I don't have a problem with transgendered women fully evolving into their true selves, but why can't born women be given the opportunity to make their bodies work properly. Here's my other gripe about infertility treatment, why is it almost always primary viewed as a female dysfunction?
But such is the reality of being a woman. The pressure and responsibility for many things falls upon us. So many women present with complaints of low self esteem and feelings of worthlessness, because they are overweight, hair is too short, they think they're ugly, or sometimes feel like they are not good enough for their families. They develop eating disorders, obsessive compulsive tendencies, or in some cases seriously dysfunctional coping styles. All in the pursuit of an unrealistic view of perfection. Women are victimized and abused, then told to keep silent or made to think that it's their fault. I could go on and on and on til the break of dawn... But I'll just end it like this. It can be draining at times, but I'll never stop telling them that they are okay; to stop beating themselves up; and that they can't fix the past but they can keep pushing forward.